Working Hard For The Money

In the past two posts, I alluded to a new job.

It's amazing how something like that can really change your outlook on things. 

I'm still with the same company, but after a lot of angst, trauma, and personal turmoil - I changed positions.  Changing positions isn't strange at my place of work.  In fact, it's rare to stay in one place for too long.  I was just in a rut.

It kind of fit with the place I feel like I have been in life - big changes and then...STUCK.  Just stuck.  Not sure what to do, almost too scared to go one way or another.  It happened in my personal life and then I left it happen at work.

It was dark.  My friends tried everything.  But I put so much of myself into what I was at work.  And despite knowing better, that was just the way I was.  So my unhappiness just wouldn't go away.

And finally, a light.  Opportunity from a few different places and support from some people that I truly look up to, and all of a sudden - whoosh.

So here I am in - a new job and what feels like a new lease on my career. 

I know better than to tie my self-worth into my job, but I can't help but feel like it changes me.  I really care about doing good work and being a really useful person to the company.  Feeling valuable and appreciated to a team is a big reason that I go to work everyday.  It also matters to me that people respect me and think that I do good work.

I feel like that holds true all the time now.

Is it just a job?  Yes.  Does it help me feel like I can do more, be more?  Yes.  Is that worth it?  Completely.

Just Call Me Clark Griswold.

The gauntlet was thrown.

The community where I live sponsored a porch decorating contest.  Winner gets money off their January rent.

That speaks to me.  I love paying less - it's like a great sale on something I was buying anyways.

So I cornered my friend Tricia at work and asked her husband to put together a box of outdoor lighting necessities.  The following day I had 2 large boxes of lights, a staple gun, and a warning.

"Brian is worried."  That's what Tricia opened with.  Oh crap.

"I promise to be SO CAREFUL with your things.  Tell him I will be really, really cautious."  But guess what - that wasn't the concern.

"Brian is worried you are going to break yourself.  He sent a staple gun, and protective eyewear.  He's afraid you'll poke your eye out."

Valid concern, TI and BI.  Valid concern.

I actually wasn't concerned about it until I actually went out to decorate.  It was a cold and blowy Sunday, with lots of snow all over.  It had been a pretty good dusting the day before and I underestimated the height of my step stool.  That's right - I don't own a ladder (I live in a 770 sq. ft. apartment - you tell me where a ladder goes.). 

I also realized that I had operated a staple gun before, but never in icy conditions, outside, with electrical wires.  It sounded like a recipe for disaster for sure.  But I am plucky, and continued on with the determination that I was going to win at least ONE of the prizes.

It took about 1/4 of a strand before I realized that the bushes were really going to be in my way, and I moved to the inside of the porch.  This was the best decision I made all morning.  I was (slightly) sheltered from the weather and I was a little bit more flexible about my positioning of the step stool.  After I got one strand up, I decided that it wasn't enough, and I went with a second.

And then a third.

And then a little wrap around the middle pole.

I became Clark Griswold in a matter of minutes.  I couldn't get enough lights!  More lights!  Brighter!  Blinkier! Happier!

Okay - not quite.  But I did think they seemed sort of dim, so I continued the strand additions. 

*Note to future self: lights are not bright at 11am.  Lights are bright at 9pm.

I made a smart decision to stop - my hands were numb and I was out of outlets.  I had already reloaded the staple gun once (thank you iPhone and Google).  My toes were frozen.  So I waited patiently until evening to see my work in all of it's glory. 

And then I realized that a 747 may possibly land in my parking lot.

It's bright.  And it needs some garland or bows or SOMETHING.  And so maybe the right side is a little goofy (project for Saturday perhaps).  But you know what?  It's beautiful!  I did it all by myself.  I braved the weather and the step stool and the staple gun and I decorated outside my house.

I still have all of my fingers and eyes.  And I didn't blow a single fuse!  I don't even care about the prize - I am so darn proud. 

Okay, that's a lie.  I still want to win.

I'm back!

Okay, okay.

I did it again.  I disappeared for weeks upon weeks and left my small but mighty blog followers in the dark about what was going on.

I think it's pretty clear that I am not great at this blog thing.

So thank you, dear readers.  Thanks for hanging in and still being my friend, despite my clear lack of follow through here on the adventures of Liz.  I promise to try harder (again) and write more consistently.

I seem to do better with goals - so here are my blog topics that I have milling around my head:

• My half marathon (oh yeah, that thing...)
• My new job (What!? You say what!?)
• The holidays
• Bobo and Tucker Update (I just lost at least 25% of you, I know.)
• Fun adventures (murder mystery, Black Friday shopping, and more!)
• My next BIG goal (Did that get the 25% back?)\

I need you, my favorite readers, to push me to finish these goals.  A few of you faithful may even bring up topics that I promised to write about, but alas, never appeared.

That's right - I need peer pressure.  Say what you will.

But it will get me to post....

Less Than Three

For those of you that don't know, less than three is the long way of saying "love."  It's computer speak.  It's shorthand - <3.  A heart.
My friend Meggie pointed me to a blog post (via Twitter!) that was titled the same thing as my blog post right now.**  And it got me thinking...

This women's post was fabulous.  Amazing.  I loved that she did it.  And I wanted to do it too.  I have so many things that I love.  Sometimes it helps just to list them out.  So I did, and they are in no particular order:

• Ice, cold Diet Cokes
• My ever-present companions - heating blankets at night, protectors by day, snoring little mischievious devils - Bobo and Tucker
• Things that are made in crockpots
• Starbucks - standard Skinny Vanilla Latte order, and the seasonal specialties of Pumpkin Spice and White Chocolate Peppermint
• The invention of DVR
• Wine - red, white, I don't discriminate
• Candles that smell like Christmas
• Dryer sheets
• Advil, ibuprofen, Tylenol - all the drugs that make my legs work after 13.1 miles
• iPods and their playlists - especially the totally embarrassing songs by Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber
• Friends - the ones that push me out of my comfort zone, and the ones that catch me afterwards
• Frozen Yogurt
• Delta Gamma - I love the women that are my sisters forever
• My parents - they are always there - enough said
• Blue Moon, Leinenkeugel, Gumballhead....and their friends Bud, Miller, and Coors
• My iPhone - I don't know how I existed before it
• Flip flops

I think that sometimes I forget that the littlest things in life can really make me smile.  These are the things (big or small) that totally make my day.  I'm going to try harder to make sure that I take more time to notice these things.

Who knows - maybe tomorrow there will be another set of things that I <3.  I feel like this should be a never-ending list.

**My apologies to the original blogger....I can't remember where I found you!  Meggie - point it out if you know what I am talking about!

My Own Pursuit of Happyness*

*I need to preface this post with the fact that I do realize that is is spelled "happiness," not "happyness."  The perfectionist in me is going nuts.

I think that most people know that I have been pseudo-unhappy lately.  I say "pseudo" because it has just been like a cold I cannot shake.  It's not there all the time, but sometimes I am just BLAH.  It's work, it's training, it's exhaustion, it's everything.  And while I consider myself a relatively happy person, it has just seemed harder lately.

I have a tendency to not be committed to myself, but instead by committed to everything else that is in my life.  I used to think that I was selfless.  In my worst days, I felt like I was trying to be a martyr.  But really, what I have come to discover is that I was just avoiding discovering what I really wanted.  So many of these types of realizations go back to the "Breaking Through" class that I took with Nicole....so we'll expand on these later.

For now - back to my Pursuit of Happyness.  I didn't necessarily know what truly made me happy anymore.  And although that concerned me, I didn't want to spend any amount of time thinking about it.  Luckily for me, Nicole did.  Going through her own journey has made her a wonderful person to chat things out with, and she has tons of great ideas for me.  So, much in the spirit of "The Year of Exploration," I handed over my happiness and asked her to put together some type of plan to get me through.  Her job: give me things to do that will create happiness, and allow me to discover what I like.  My job: do them.  NO EXCUSES.

So, we met 2 weeks ago and she handed me a bag.  Inside the bag was a day planner, 2 gift cards, and a list of instructions for my own personal "Pursuit of Happyness.".  I'll summarize here:

• Create a Happy Book (read about Nicole's here)
• Write in the day planner each night before bed - only write the things that made you happy
• No negative or neutral comments
• No skipping days!
• Review each week to remind yourself of what the week brought
• Pursue Life Outside of the Office
• TRAIN - even though I sometimes think it's a chore, I committed to Team in Training, and I do truly feel good after I do it
• Host 1 dinner party a month - invite different types of friends
• Go to the bookstore 1 night a week - buy a foofy drink, grab a book, and read for 2 hours
• This is where 1 one of those gift cards came in (no buying books - just drinks!)
• Make Work Happy
• Buy 1 iTunes song a day
• Hence another gift card...
• Only songs that make you happy
• Create a playlist out of these songs, and make it your "drive to work" mix
• Work semi-normal hours (no more killing 16 hours at the office!)

There were a few other random items, but this is the basics of it.  I live for lists, so this appeals to me down to the very core.  I also am totally ready to allow someone to run my life, tell me what to do.  I'm tired of doing it!

So, how am I doing?  Pretty well, actually.  I am dedicated to the "Happy Book."  Without a doubt, it makes me smile every night.  The other stuff is coming along.  The one that has been hard for me is the work hours - it's right before our large user conference.....Can I use that as an excuse?? 

But I am dedicated to the project because I really want to find out what makes me happy.  I really, really want to be able to make decisions....this is just the first step in that!

The Dog Days of Summer

I know I promised a whole list of upcoming posts, but I had to write a short one about my day.

My Labor Day was uneventfully planned.  I didn't have a whole schedule of things to do, just a few ideas.  A little work, a little cleaning, a little laundry, a little running.  You know, standard "off day" things.

But there was one thing on my plan for today that I was really, really looking forward to - Dog Dayz Dog Swim at the Monon Center in Carmel.  Once a year (the last day that the pool is open for the season), the Monon Center opens the outdoor aquatic center to DOGS.  That's right - the whole pool becomes a dog's dream.  I have heard about it for the past few years, but have never been able to go.

But this year - Bo, Tucker, and I were all suiting up and checking this event out.

When I arrived, I was shocked!  I was about 15 minutes early and there were already at least 100 dogs waiting to get in.  The swim party was definitely more popular than I realized!  Luckily, the planner in me has pre-registered us.  So we avoided the lines and got right in. 

From there on out, it was CRAZY.  This was truly Bo's heaven.  He loves water, and he had never had an opportunity to try anything deeper than a kiddie pool.  He was in and out, jumping over slides and running into the deep water after tennis balls.  He was as happy as I have ever seen him!

Tucker was more hesitant.  He is not a fan of the kiddie pool, so I had no way to figure out what he would think of this.  He was okay up to his ankles, but he was more into playing with the other dogs and meeting all the people that were there!  He ended up nearly as wet, just never that deep into the water.

This sounds weird, but the event was a good exercise for me.  I took both dogs by myself, and was concerned that I wouldn't be able to watch them both, take care of them, get them on and off-leash (or what they would do once they were off-leash!).  But the whole experience was great!  They did run around, and I couldn't always see them.  But they always came when I called, and usually without me needing to.  They knew where I was, and would run back and check on me as needed.  I got over my fear of "losing" them pretty quickly, and it was great to do something so fun with them.  I ended up basically as wet as them, snapping pictures and running after them as much as possible!  You can see all the pictures I took right here:

We stayed about 90 minutes - it was PACKED the whole time.  Don't believe me - check out this video.  Ignore me - I was constantly asking Bo and Tucker to smile for the video!  But it does a great job of showcasing the experience.

Needless to say - it was probably one of the best things I have ever done with them, and I already cannot wait to do it again next year.  And the exhaustion that they are experiencing right now is definitely a great secondary benefit!

We're a pretty cute family - even with Tucker trying to eat his leash!

Don't You Forget About Me

I'd prefer to ignore it, but since I can't - I am just going to address this head on.

I'm a bad blogger.

There - I said it.  And it is really true, despite what you all may think.  It's been 2 MONTHS since my last post.  So you ask, "What happened?"  Or, "Are you okay?"  To which I have no answer.  Nothing happened.  I just stopped.  To be honest, blogging wasn't as cathartic as I thought it would be.  It was one more area of my life that I put pressure on myself to be witty, funny, perfect, etc...  Blogging was supposed to be an outlet, but I was still worried about what everyone thought.

So I stopped.  Or gave up.  Depends on the day for which answer you'll receive.  But I missed my blog.  I missed sharing things with the people in my life, and the ones that weren't in my life but stumbled upon it.

So I'm back.*  And I promise to be better (there's actually something forcing this, which will be a later blog).  But here's a sneak peak at the posts you'll be seeing soon:

• Breaking Through Part I
• The Pursuit of Happyness
• My TNT Training
• Girls Weekend
• Recruitment at Purdue 

And, I promise not to disappear again....at least until I fill you in on ALL of the things above!

*Tricia / BI - There will a lot of posting in the next few days.  I know you don't like it when Google Blogs spams you, so I am giving you fair warning!!

The "Splitting" In Splitting Up

There's a lot that has to happen as you separate your life from someone else's.  Granted, we didn't own property or have joint bank accounts, but there is still plenty of stuff that needs to be taken care of/divided up/dealt with.

I planned for that.  I knew some of it wouldn't be easy.  Dogs had to be talked about, cellphones unjoined, furniture divided.  There's the uncomfortable discussion about bills that remained to be paid.  I even thought about Facebook, and how we actually weren't "linked" in a relationship on the social network.  It was a relief to not think about flooding everyone's News Feed with "Liz is no longer in a relationship."

However, I didn't plan for the disintegration of our "social" friendships.  I was unfriended on Facebook yesterday, and it was shocking and sort of hurt.  I discovered it purely by chance, a perfect mesh of timing.  

**To be honest, I didn't discover it at all, a friend did....

What's the appropriate response to that?  Obviously I can't do anything about it, but it is one of those things that I wonder about the etiquette.  Is unfriending the ex a standard?  What's the timeframe on it?  Is it ever appropriate for either party to re-friend?

I respect the idea that this might be part of his grieving process.  Part of the way he is also separating things out of his life.  And I want to make that process easy on him, or at least make it not painful.  But it doesn't mean I was prepared for this.  I am so curious about the thought process and reasoning behind it.

So many questions.  Just not so many answers.

It's All About the Energy

Energy.

It's something that I never thought a lot about.  I mean, I've said "I have no energy" or "I feel energized," but I don't know if I have thought about it in different ways.

That changed a little bit this weekend.  Saturday morning was when it all started.  I did another group training run with Team in Training.  I was really, really nervous about the run because it was the first true "long" run - 1 hour.  I didn't necessarily know if I would be able to do it.  I was okay with walking if I needed to, but I still didn't have tons of confidence.  (A big problem - and a post for another day).

Upon arrive at the Leukemia and Lymphoma offices for the run, I ran into an old friend from DePauw.  One of the first things in my head was the memory of how much great energy she always has.  Just that great feeling that exudes off of her body - it's something that I wish I had.  It inspired me to run hard on Saturday morning, and I felt thankful that I had run into her.

Sunday led to another great "energy" experience.  An good friend was in the neighborhood and called me out of the blue for lunch.  Excited, I hurried to meet her.  One of the big things about Katrina is the new energy and calm that just pours out of her.  She has made a lot of changes in her life (better diet, more exercise, different work load), but one of the biggest things that I attribute this new energy off of her is from a class that she took called "Breaking Through."  I honestly don't know a lot about it, but I can tell you one thing - it has truly changed the way that Katrina looks at life.

Our other friend, Nicole, joined us at lunch and Katrina was very excited to ask us to take the class.  Nicole is on her own journey right now, and she definitely is trying to break out of the norm.  I am just ready to spread my wings and learn more about myself.  Because of these things, Katrina was pretty sure that we needed to take this class.  After some discussion, and a little trepidation, Nicole and I have signed up for the class.  I am not sure how I feel about it (there was a part of the application that required me to verify I wasn't pregnant.  What are we doing that pregnant women cannot do!?).

I'm looking forward to seeing what the class has to offer.  If it provides me some new friendships, or even a clearer insight to my own needs, it is probably worth it.  If I can have the type of energy that Katrina has, it would be a miracle.  Nervously, I am worried about having to trust fall (clearly an issue, as I don't trust fall).  I can't imagine a better friend to experience something like this with, so I am cautiously optimistic. 

But you might want to tune in and see how I feel August 24th (the day before the class starts....).