Team in Training - ONE DAY LEFT

That's right - read the title.

I have ONE DAY to complete my fundraising for my half marathon that is happening on October 16th.  I am a tiny $94 dollars away from raising $1100 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

And it is honestly the ONLY reason I am still training for this thing.  I admit it - I probably would have bailed by now if it weren't for the cause.

So help a girl out.  Click this link or the banner to the right and donate a little bit.  Think of the pleasure you'll get from helping find a cure (or just thinking of me work my butt off to complete 13.1 miles - whatever gets you up in the morning!).

Sometimes I don't want to blog.

My first thought when I am sad or upset is not to blog.  If anything, I use it as an excuse to avoid blogging.  As I said a few posts ago, I thought that this area would be my outlet, and it actually became a scarier place than I originally imagined.

But, I promised Nicole so much on my Pursuit of Happyness.  And that included regular blogging.  I think that she is giving me an easy pass on the past two weeks - a lot of pre-user conference blogging in addition to exhaustion - basically she isn't harassing me about the blogging.  (And I appreciate it!).  But here I am.

Back to the point - I'm here tonight, and I don't want to be.

Getting out of the relationship wasn't easy.  Far from it.  But I did it.  And I was okay.  I really was.  But then sometimes I realize that I lost my best friend, in addition to my boyfriend.  And that is so hard.  Some days there are just things that I want to talk about, work through, have someone comfort me on. And who is that person now??  I do feel especially lost at moments like this.  Am I that crazy person that talks to her dogs?  The answer is yes.  But they don't hold my hand, or give me advice, or tell me that it is all going to be okay.  They smile up at me with their loving eyes, and silently wish for me to give them another treat.

But they don't tell me what to do or how to handle things.  So I tell them I am fine.  I tell everyone I am fine.  Because I will be.  I will be just fine by the time tomorrow morning rolls around.

And so on nights like this, I don't want to blog.  I don't want to do anything.  I want to talk to my best friend.

But I blog.  Because that is what this is for.  Because that's why this blog was started.  And because I know that I am not the only person that has felt like this before.

Running Just As Fast As I Can...

So there is still that little thing I am doing.

You know, that half marathon.

In comparison to my friends Katrina and Meggie, my half marathon is nothing.  (To me, they are both super women - people that I truly idolize.)  It is just the tiniest blip on a radar.  But to me, it is ever-looming on my calendar and in my face.  I don't like running.  I especially don't like training runs.  And yet, earlier this summer I decided that signing up for a half marathon was the perfect idea.

What was I thinking??

I was thinking it was good for me.  (It really is.)  I was thinking it was good for a cause. (It really is.)

It doesn't make running any type of distance any better.  At least in my mind.  And I totally get that I am hurting myself because running is 90% mental.  But I still can't help but hate it.

I did 10 miles on Saturday.  I did it and I finished it.  And I am definitely more confident that I can do the half marathon on October 16th. 

But that little voice is still in the back of my head.  Maybe I'll get rid of it by the time the Mini rolls around next May!

Lions & Tigers....& Spiders! Oh my!

In the process of everything that has been going on, I forgot to share that I had one of those "first" experiences that this blog is supposed to be about!  And besides that, this story really shows how much of a scaredy-cat I really am!

The other morning started out normally.  Wake up, walk the pups, shower, get ready for work.  Until I realized that sometime between walking the dogs and getting ready for work, a visitor had arrived in my apartment.  And it wasn't just any visitor...this one had 8 long legs, a disgusting body, and beady little eyes.

A SPIDER HAD ARRIVED.  And he certainly wasn't tiny.  In fact, it might have been the biggest spider I had ever seen.

Needless to say, I freaked out.  I absolutely HATE spiders.  I don't know why, but for as long I can remember they have been one of the things that I am the most scared of.  And for my whole life, someone has always been there to get rid of them.  My dad, my roommates, my boyfriend - all brave souls who made my world spider-free.

But now it's just me.  Tucker and Bobo proved to be useless, as I don't think they even noticed the intruder.  And as I was freaking out, the spider calmly moved to a location I could not reach him.  I missed my chance!  So as I finished getting ready, I would continually check on where I *thought* the spider was.  I was terrified he was poisonous (yes - it was that big), so I googled the first chance I got.  Of course, the images freaked me out, and that journey was short lived.  I am hoping that he escaped out however he got in, and the dogs will scare him from coming back!

So - what does a girl do now?  I don't know!  One of his little friends arrived later that night, and he met immediate death thanks to a good flip-flop.  Hopefully he shouted a warning to others venturing this way.  That should keep them away, right?  I also promptly purchased some Ortho Home Defense.  You'd better believe I stayed up late spraying that stuff.  Try getting in now, suckers.

I'm A DG, She's A DG...

As some of my friends know, I spent the weekend at Purdue.

Nope - I'm not a Boilermaker (how dare you even think that!  DePauw Tigers all the way).  But I am a Delta Gamma....and one of the best things I did after college was become a Recruitment Advisor for the DG Chapter at Purdue.

So once a year I pack a bag and move into the DG house on campus.  It's a weird mix of wonderful college day memories, and a whole lot of feeling old!  Recruitment is intense on a campus as big as Purdue, but I am so lucky because the women there are just phenomenal to work with.

This was, however, the first year that I didn't have someone to watch the dogs as I ventured away to recruit new women into the Greek life.  So, what's a girl do?  Call PetSmart PetsHotel of course!  MY doggy daycare was booked up, so the PetsHotel was my next option.  I was admittedly nervous (because I am so lame) about leaving Bo and Tucker in a new place.  But I dropped them off Friday night and they seemed happy just to get 1000 new things to sniff.

With dogs safely secured, I went off to Purdue.  I spent all night Friday helping decorate for the next day, with all of Saturday spent listening to cheering (I'm a DG, She's a DG....I wanna be a DG, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes I do....).  In between the cheering, I got to count vote after vote.  A late night of recruitment, voting, and conversing with Panhel - only to do it all again on Sunday!

I can't share everything that I do there, but it's admittedly weird to anyone that hasn't experienced the Greek system.  And even though the amount of time in one weekend is exhausting, I love doing it.  I truly love watching the girls in the house start to form relationships with the women that they will invite for membership in just a few short days.  I like being a part of something bigger than myself.  It's strange to think about, but literally every DG chapter on every campus in America goes through the same process....and we all become sisters with this initial bond.

I don't think I ever thought of it this way - not when I was in college, not when I helped run Recruitment at my own house, not even the past few years of advising.  But now that I have taken time to do the things I want to do, I realize that advising is giving me a purpose.  More than being an employee, more than a girlfriend, more than a caregiver.  I get to continue to contribute to something that shaped the woman I became, and influences me to this day.

*Wow - didn't plan on getting that sappy....  I'm sure that there will be plenty of thoughts about that.

Was there drama this past weekend?  Of course.  Did I sleep very little?  Definitely.  Was it totally worth it when I saw the list of women joining the chapter (and of course, the sorority as a whole)?  Without a doubt.  Does it leave me missing my own DG sisters?  Immensely - more than ever.

A little shout-out to my own girls....We are pretty cute DGs, if I do say so myself!

My Own Pursuit of Happyness*

*I need to preface this post with the fact that I do realize that is is spelled "happiness," not "happyness."  The perfectionist in me is going nuts.

I think that most people know that I have been pseudo-unhappy lately.  I say "pseudo" because it has just been like a cold I cannot shake.  It's not there all the time, but sometimes I am just BLAH.  It's work, it's training, it's exhaustion, it's everything.  And while I consider myself a relatively happy person, it has just seemed harder lately.

I have a tendency to not be committed to myself, but instead by committed to everything else that is in my life.  I used to think that I was selfless.  In my worst days, I felt like I was trying to be a martyr.  But really, what I have come to discover is that I was just avoiding discovering what I really wanted.  So many of these types of realizations go back to the "Breaking Through" class that I took with Nicole....so we'll expand on these later.

For now - back to my Pursuit of Happyness.  I didn't necessarily know what truly made me happy anymore.  And although that concerned me, I didn't want to spend any amount of time thinking about it.  Luckily for me, Nicole did.  Going through her own journey has made her a wonderful person to chat things out with, and she has tons of great ideas for me.  So, much in the spirit of "The Year of Exploration," I handed over my happiness and asked her to put together some type of plan to get me through.  Her job: give me things to do that will create happiness, and allow me to discover what I like.  My job: do them.  NO EXCUSES.

So, we met 2 weeks ago and she handed me a bag.  Inside the bag was a day planner, 2 gift cards, and a list of instructions for my own personal "Pursuit of Happyness.".  I'll summarize here:

• Create a Happy Book (read about Nicole's here)
• Write in the day planner each night before bed - only write the things that made you happy
• No negative or neutral comments
• No skipping days!
• Review each week to remind yourself of what the week brought
• Pursue Life Outside of the Office
• TRAIN - even though I sometimes think it's a chore, I committed to Team in Training, and I do truly feel good after I do it
• Host 1 dinner party a month - invite different types of friends
• Go to the bookstore 1 night a week - buy a foofy drink, grab a book, and read for 2 hours
• This is where 1 one of those gift cards came in (no buying books - just drinks!)
• Make Work Happy
• Buy 1 iTunes song a day
• Hence another gift card...
• Only songs that make you happy
• Create a playlist out of these songs, and make it your "drive to work" mix
• Work semi-normal hours (no more killing 16 hours at the office!)

There were a few other random items, but this is the basics of it.  I live for lists, so this appeals to me down to the very core.  I also am totally ready to allow someone to run my life, tell me what to do.  I'm tired of doing it!

So, how am I doing?  Pretty well, actually.  I am dedicated to the "Happy Book."  Without a doubt, it makes me smile every night.  The other stuff is coming along.  The one that has been hard for me is the work hours - it's right before our large user conference.....Can I use that as an excuse?? 

But I am dedicated to the project because I really want to find out what makes me happy.  I really, really want to be able to make decisions....this is just the first step in that!

The Dog Days of Summer

I know I promised a whole list of upcoming posts, but I had to write a short one about my day.

My Labor Day was uneventfully planned.  I didn't have a whole schedule of things to do, just a few ideas.  A little work, a little cleaning, a little laundry, a little running.  You know, standard "off day" things.

But there was one thing on my plan for today that I was really, really looking forward to - Dog Dayz Dog Swim at the Monon Center in Carmel.  Once a year (the last day that the pool is open for the season), the Monon Center opens the outdoor aquatic center to DOGS.  That's right - the whole pool becomes a dog's dream.  I have heard about it for the past few years, but have never been able to go.

But this year - Bo, Tucker, and I were all suiting up and checking this event out.

When I arrived, I was shocked!  I was about 15 minutes early and there were already at least 100 dogs waiting to get in.  The swim party was definitely more popular than I realized!  Luckily, the planner in me has pre-registered us.  So we avoided the lines and got right in. 

From there on out, it was CRAZY.  This was truly Bo's heaven.  He loves water, and he had never had an opportunity to try anything deeper than a kiddie pool.  He was in and out, jumping over slides and running into the deep water after tennis balls.  He was as happy as I have ever seen him!

Tucker was more hesitant.  He is not a fan of the kiddie pool, so I had no way to figure out what he would think of this.  He was okay up to his ankles, but he was more into playing with the other dogs and meeting all the people that were there!  He ended up nearly as wet, just never that deep into the water.

This sounds weird, but the event was a good exercise for me.  I took both dogs by myself, and was concerned that I wouldn't be able to watch them both, take care of them, get them on and off-leash (or what they would do once they were off-leash!).  But the whole experience was great!  They did run around, and I couldn't always see them.  But they always came when I called, and usually without me needing to.  They knew where I was, and would run back and check on me as needed.  I got over my fear of "losing" them pretty quickly, and it was great to do something so fun with them.  I ended up basically as wet as them, snapping pictures and running after them as much as possible!  You can see all the pictures I took right here:

We stayed about 90 minutes - it was PACKED the whole time.  Don't believe me - check out this video.  Ignore me - I was constantly asking Bo and Tucker to smile for the video!  But it does a great job of showcasing the experience.

Needless to say - it was probably one of the best things I have ever done with them, and I already cannot wait to do it again next year.  And the exhaustion that they are experiencing right now is definitely a great secondary benefit!

We're a pretty cute family - even with Tucker trying to eat his leash!

Don't You Forget About Me

I'd prefer to ignore it, but since I can't - I am just going to address this head on.

I'm a bad blogger.

There - I said it.  And it is really true, despite what you all may think.  It's been 2 MONTHS since my last post.  So you ask, "What happened?"  Or, "Are you okay?"  To which I have no answer.  Nothing happened.  I just stopped.  To be honest, blogging wasn't as cathartic as I thought it would be.  It was one more area of my life that I put pressure on myself to be witty, funny, perfect, etc...  Blogging was supposed to be an outlet, but I was still worried about what everyone thought.

So I stopped.  Or gave up.  Depends on the day for which answer you'll receive.  But I missed my blog.  I missed sharing things with the people in my life, and the ones that weren't in my life but stumbled upon it.

So I'm back.*  And I promise to be better (there's actually something forcing this, which will be a later blog).  But here's a sneak peak at the posts you'll be seeing soon:

• Breaking Through Part I
• The Pursuit of Happyness
• My TNT Training
• Girls Weekend
• Recruitment at Purdue 

And, I promise not to disappear again....at least until I fill you in on ALL of the things above!

*Tricia / BI - There will a lot of posting in the next few days.  I know you don't like it when Google Blogs spams you, so I am giving you fair warning!!