They Say Black Friday - I Say Quality Time

Growing up, I was a good kid.  And I was pretty close to my parents.  but I was SUPER close to my dad.  I was the quintessential "Daddy's Girl."  If my mom said no, I would go to him.  Big alligator tears in my eyes, quivering lip, the whole deal.

And I would always get my way. 

Now - that being said - I wasn't actually a spoiled brat.  They did say no.  I was a good student, polite, and well-behaved.  So the story above is more about how I could wrap my dad around my pinky finger.

But now that I am (dare I say it), an adult, I am very close with BOTH my parents, and more than I have ever been with my mom.  We both love a good book, movie, or bottle of wine.  And she supports me through every single thing I have ever chosen to do.  Even more, she has been here for me the past 7 months more than I could have ever imagined.

But one random thing is that ever since I went to college, one of our favorite mom-daughter traditions has been Black Friday shopping.

We aren't the crazy Black Friday shoppers that stay up all night and try to break arms for the $1 television.  We aren't the people waiting for the hot toy of the season.  We're just out there to see what's available, and essentially shop for each other for Christmas.

It's one of my favorite quality times with my mom.  ALL YEAR.

The night before, after dinner is done and we are in our PJs and all comfy, we tediously go through every ad and decide if we are going to the store or not.  Then we decide what we want from each store, and based on opening times plus desires, we make a strategic plan of attack.

That's right - a list, a plan, and timed goals for hitting each store.  If you know me, this isn't really a surprise, is it?

This year the stores opened earlier than ever.  2am.  Read it again - 2am.  And despite the craziness of it, we decided to still do our traditional shopping.  Even worse - we were going to hit 14 stores.  Because we are gluttons for punishment.

We were out there at 1:45am, ready for our first store.  It was cold.  It was windy.  It was dark.  But then the stores opened and we were in.  And then out!  And then in.  And out!

We're pretty much a power team.  We weave and bob through the stores with the best of them - one shops while the other gets a prime line position (if necessary).  We know what we want, so we grab as needed.  And we know to avoid prime Black Friday real estate (electronics, toys, etc...)

So there we were - the Best Black Friday Shoppers Ever - and then we hit Victoria's Secret.  And suddenly, our whole day came to a halt.  We were stuck in the world's smallest store, with the slowest checkout, folding every bra into pale pink tissue paper.

I thought I was going to lose it. 

*To this day, I'm still on an "End the Pink Tissue" campaign.  Pink tissue paper has no place in Black Friday!

We lost a lot of time, but we were together.  And we laughed and made friends with the people in line.  I showed my mom Twitter and Foursquare and Facebook - all from my iPhone.  And eventually, we made it out.

By the end of the morning, we were exhausted and settling in for a hard-earned brunch at one of my favorite local places.  We were ready for the nap that we had definitely earned.

But I was also really content with all the quality time I had with my mom.  The whole weekend was great (and I totally cried like a baby as I pulled out of the driveway to return to Indy).  But I'm already looking forward to next year - even if the stores are going to open even earlier!

Blame it on the SAD

I'm starting this post with a warning - I'm in a mood.

As I sit here in my living room, I look around with complete disgust.

I am usually VERY into the holidays.  As soon as I return to Indianapolis from my parent's home in Chicago (after Thanksgiving), I pull out the huge Rubbermaid bins of decorations at start turning my apartment into a winter wonderland.

Usually my home....with creative liberties.

There is one whole bin of ornaments and another that contains all kitchen stuff - that's right, I have different dishes for the holidays.  That doesn't even begin to tell you about all the stuff I have just for additional decoration.  I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS.

But this year has been strange.  There is none of the usual desire to pull everything out and decorate.  I know that I am going home for Christmas around the 17th, so that might be part of it.  Why decorate when I won't be here to enjoy it?  But even that doesn't seem normal for me.

So I blamed work - I've been busy!  But I don't know if that is really it either.  It seems that, much like the blog writing, I lack the motivation to actually do it.  The strange thing is that in terms of the "Pursuit of Happyness," I am actually happy.  And I still do many of the items on the list (even Nicole probably doesn't realize it!), but there are other things that make me happy outside of those.  The Christmas decorating just doesn't seem to be one of them.

I think there is probably the little voice in my head that wonders if it's because I'm lonely (a little) and there is really no one (besides Bo and Tucker) to decorate for.  I am not sure what the weird non-decorating desire comes from, but it's there.

Now - if you read yesterday, you know that I did actually brave the weather and a STAPLE GUN to decorate outside.  So I can't be completely void of Christmas spirit, right?  And I even put up a tree and put lights on it (and admittedly, the glow in the evenings as I read is quite nice).

I'm beginning to wonder if it's okay to blame it on SAD - you know, the disorder that stems from lack of sunlight and warmth?  I don't think I've ever had it, but this year, I think it's in full force.  At least that's my story.

Working Hard For The Money

In the past two posts, I alluded to a new job.

It's amazing how something like that can really change your outlook on things. 

I'm still with the same company, but after a lot of angst, trauma, and personal turmoil - I changed positions.  Changing positions isn't strange at my place of work.  In fact, it's rare to stay in one place for too long.  I was just in a rut.

It kind of fit with the place I feel like I have been in life - big changes and then...STUCK.  Just stuck.  Not sure what to do, almost too scared to go one way or another.  It happened in my personal life and then I left it happen at work.

It was dark.  My friends tried everything.  But I put so much of myself into what I was at work.  And despite knowing better, that was just the way I was.  So my unhappiness just wouldn't go away.

And finally, a light.  Opportunity from a few different places and support from some people that I truly look up to, and all of a sudden - whoosh.

So here I am in - a new job and what feels like a new lease on my career. 

I know better than to tie my self-worth into my job, but I can't help but feel like it changes me.  I really care about doing good work and being a really useful person to the company.  Feeling valuable and appreciated to a team is a big reason that I go to work everyday.  It also matters to me that people respect me and think that I do good work.

I feel like that holds true all the time now.

Is it just a job?  Yes.  Does it help me feel like I can do more, be more?  Yes.  Is that worth it?  Completely.

Just Call Me Clark Griswold.

The gauntlet was thrown.

The community where I live sponsored a porch decorating contest.  Winner gets money off their January rent.

That speaks to me.  I love paying less - it's like a great sale on something I was buying anyways.

So I cornered my friend Tricia at work and asked her husband to put together a box of outdoor lighting necessities.  The following day I had 2 large boxes of lights, a staple gun, and a warning.

"Brian is worried."  That's what Tricia opened with.  Oh crap.

"I promise to be SO CAREFUL with your things.  Tell him I will be really, really cautious."  But guess what - that wasn't the concern.

"Brian is worried you are going to break yourself.  He sent a staple gun, and protective eyewear.  He's afraid you'll poke your eye out."

Valid concern, TI and BI.  Valid concern.

I actually wasn't concerned about it until I actually went out to decorate.  It was a cold and blowy Sunday, with lots of snow all over.  It had been a pretty good dusting the day before and I underestimated the height of my step stool.  That's right - I don't own a ladder (I live in a 770 sq. ft. apartment - you tell me where a ladder goes.). 

I also realized that I had operated a staple gun before, but never in icy conditions, outside, with electrical wires.  It sounded like a recipe for disaster for sure.  But I am plucky, and continued on with the determination that I was going to win at least ONE of the prizes.

It took about 1/4 of a strand before I realized that the bushes were really going to be in my way, and I moved to the inside of the porch.  This was the best decision I made all morning.  I was (slightly) sheltered from the weather and I was a little bit more flexible about my positioning of the step stool.  After I got one strand up, I decided that it wasn't enough, and I went with a second.

And then a third.

And then a little wrap around the middle pole.

I became Clark Griswold in a matter of minutes.  I couldn't get enough lights!  More lights!  Brighter!  Blinkier! Happier!

Okay - not quite.  But I did think they seemed sort of dim, so I continued the strand additions. 

*Note to future self: lights are not bright at 11am.  Lights are bright at 9pm.

I made a smart decision to stop - my hands were numb and I was out of outlets.  I had already reloaded the staple gun once (thank you iPhone and Google).  My toes were frozen.  So I waited patiently until evening to see my work in all of it's glory. 

And then I realized that a 747 may possibly land in my parking lot.

It's bright.  And it needs some garland or bows or SOMETHING.  And so maybe the right side is a little goofy (project for Saturday perhaps).  But you know what?  It's beautiful!  I did it all by myself.  I braved the weather and the step stool and the staple gun and I decorated outside my house.

I still have all of my fingers and eyes.  And I didn't blow a single fuse!  I don't even care about the prize - I am so darn proud. 

Okay, that's a lie.  I still want to win.

I'm back!

Okay, okay.

I did it again.  I disappeared for weeks upon weeks and left my small but mighty blog followers in the dark about what was going on.

I think it's pretty clear that I am not great at this blog thing.

So thank you, dear readers.  Thanks for hanging in and still being my friend, despite my clear lack of follow through here on the adventures of Liz.  I promise to try harder (again) and write more consistently.

I seem to do better with goals - so here are my blog topics that I have milling around my head:

• My half marathon (oh yeah, that thing...)
• My new job (What!? You say what!?)
• The holidays
• Bobo and Tucker Update (I just lost at least 25% of you, I know.)
• Fun adventures (murder mystery, Black Friday shopping, and more!)
• My next BIG goal (Did that get the 25% back?)\

I need you, my favorite readers, to push me to finish these goals.  A few of you faithful may even bring up topics that I promised to write about, but alas, never appeared.

That's right - I need peer pressure.  Say what you will.

But it will get me to post....

Less Than Three

For those of you that don't know, less than three is the long way of saying "love."  It's computer speak.  It's shorthand - <3.  A heart.
My friend Meggie pointed me to a blog post (via Twitter!) that was titled the same thing as my blog post right now.**  And it got me thinking...

This women's post was fabulous.  Amazing.  I loved that she did it.  And I wanted to do it too.  I have so many things that I love.  Sometimes it helps just to list them out.  So I did, and they are in no particular order:

• Ice, cold Diet Cokes
• My ever-present companions - heating blankets at night, protectors by day, snoring little mischievious devils - Bobo and Tucker
• Things that are made in crockpots
• Starbucks - standard Skinny Vanilla Latte order, and the seasonal specialties of Pumpkin Spice and White Chocolate Peppermint
• The invention of DVR
• Wine - red, white, I don't discriminate
• Candles that smell like Christmas
• Dryer sheets
• Advil, ibuprofen, Tylenol - all the drugs that make my legs work after 13.1 miles
• iPods and their playlists - especially the totally embarrassing songs by Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber
• Friends - the ones that push me out of my comfort zone, and the ones that catch me afterwards
• Frozen Yogurt
• Delta Gamma - I love the women that are my sisters forever
• My parents - they are always there - enough said
• Blue Moon, Leinenkeugel, Gumballhead....and their friends Bud, Miller, and Coors
• My iPhone - I don't know how I existed before it
• Flip flops

I think that sometimes I forget that the littlest things in life can really make me smile.  These are the things (big or small) that totally make my day.  I'm going to try harder to make sure that I take more time to notice these things.

Who knows - maybe tomorrow there will be another set of things that I <3.  I feel like this should be a never-ending list.

**My apologies to the original blogger....I can't remember where I found you!  Meggie - point it out if you know what I am talking about!

5 Days Until 13.1

That's right.

5 more days until I run the 13.1 miles that I have been training for.  By this time on Saturday night, I'll have 13 more miles on my shoes, a little more soreness in my body, and hopefully a beer in hand.

I waiver between confidence and fear.  I have done this before so I know that I can physically do it.  And despite the fact that I feel like I might not have trained as well as I could have, I know that I did 10 miles 2 weeks ago.

13 isn't that much more than 10....

But there is that sneaky little guy that sometimes lurks in the background of everything I do....he's dark and mysterious and always catches me when I am down.  Self-doubt doesn't hide.  It rears its head whenever I wish it would go far, far away.

I look up to so many runners in my life that do so much more than 13 miles.  I KNOW that I can do this.  If I can cheer them on, I can cheer myself on.

I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this.

I will do this.

Team in Training - ONE DAY LEFT

That's right - read the title.

I have ONE DAY to complete my fundraising for my half marathon that is happening on October 16th.  I am a tiny $94 dollars away from raising $1100 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

And it is honestly the ONLY reason I am still training for this thing.  I admit it - I probably would have bailed by now if it weren't for the cause.

So help a girl out.  Click this link or the banner to the right and donate a little bit.  Think of the pleasure you'll get from helping find a cure (or just thinking of me work my butt off to complete 13.1 miles - whatever gets you up in the morning!).

Sometimes I don't want to blog.

My first thought when I am sad or upset is not to blog.  If anything, I use it as an excuse to avoid blogging.  As I said a few posts ago, I thought that this area would be my outlet, and it actually became a scarier place than I originally imagined.

But, I promised Nicole so much on my Pursuit of Happyness.  And that included regular blogging.  I think that she is giving me an easy pass on the past two weeks - a lot of pre-user conference blogging in addition to exhaustion - basically she isn't harassing me about the blogging.  (And I appreciate it!).  But here I am.

Back to the point - I'm here tonight, and I don't want to be.

Getting out of the relationship wasn't easy.  Far from it.  But I did it.  And I was okay.  I really was.  But then sometimes I realize that I lost my best friend, in addition to my boyfriend.  And that is so hard.  Some days there are just things that I want to talk about, work through, have someone comfort me on. And who is that person now??  I do feel especially lost at moments like this.  Am I that crazy person that talks to her dogs?  The answer is yes.  But they don't hold my hand, or give me advice, or tell me that it is all going to be okay.  They smile up at me with their loving eyes, and silently wish for me to give them another treat.

But they don't tell me what to do or how to handle things.  So I tell them I am fine.  I tell everyone I am fine.  Because I will be.  I will be just fine by the time tomorrow morning rolls around.

And so on nights like this, I don't want to blog.  I don't want to do anything.  I want to talk to my best friend.

But I blog.  Because that is what this is for.  Because that's why this blog was started.  And because I know that I am not the only person that has felt like this before.

Running Just As Fast As I Can...

So there is still that little thing I am doing.

You know, that half marathon.

In comparison to my friends Katrina and Meggie, my half marathon is nothing.  (To me, they are both super women - people that I truly idolize.)  It is just the tiniest blip on a radar.  But to me, it is ever-looming on my calendar and in my face.  I don't like running.  I especially don't like training runs.  And yet, earlier this summer I decided that signing up for a half marathon was the perfect idea.

What was I thinking??

I was thinking it was good for me.  (It really is.)  I was thinking it was good for a cause. (It really is.)

It doesn't make running any type of distance any better.  At least in my mind.  And I totally get that I am hurting myself because running is 90% mental.  But I still can't help but hate it.

I did 10 miles on Saturday.  I did it and I finished it.  And I am definitely more confident that I can do the half marathon on October 16th. 

But that little voice is still in the back of my head.  Maybe I'll get rid of it by the time the Mini rolls around next May!

Lions & Tigers....& Spiders! Oh my!

In the process of everything that has been going on, I forgot to share that I had one of those "first" experiences that this blog is supposed to be about!  And besides that, this story really shows how much of a scaredy-cat I really am!

The other morning started out normally.  Wake up, walk the pups, shower, get ready for work.  Until I realized that sometime between walking the dogs and getting ready for work, a visitor had arrived in my apartment.  And it wasn't just any visitor...this one had 8 long legs, a disgusting body, and beady little eyes.

A SPIDER HAD ARRIVED.  And he certainly wasn't tiny.  In fact, it might have been the biggest spider I had ever seen.

Needless to say, I freaked out.  I absolutely HATE spiders.  I don't know why, but for as long I can remember they have been one of the things that I am the most scared of.  And for my whole life, someone has always been there to get rid of them.  My dad, my roommates, my boyfriend - all brave souls who made my world spider-free.

But now it's just me.  Tucker and Bobo proved to be useless, as I don't think they even noticed the intruder.  And as I was freaking out, the spider calmly moved to a location I could not reach him.  I missed my chance!  So as I finished getting ready, I would continually check on where I *thought* the spider was.  I was terrified he was poisonous (yes - it was that big), so I googled the first chance I got.  Of course, the images freaked me out, and that journey was short lived.  I am hoping that he escaped out however he got in, and the dogs will scare him from coming back!

So - what does a girl do now?  I don't know!  One of his little friends arrived later that night, and he met immediate death thanks to a good flip-flop.  Hopefully he shouted a warning to others venturing this way.  That should keep them away, right?  I also promptly purchased some Ortho Home Defense.  You'd better believe I stayed up late spraying that stuff.  Try getting in now, suckers.

I'm A DG, She's A DG...

As some of my friends know, I spent the weekend at Purdue.

Nope - I'm not a Boilermaker (how dare you even think that!  DePauw Tigers all the way).  But I am a Delta Gamma....and one of the best things I did after college was become a Recruitment Advisor for the DG Chapter at Purdue.

So once a year I pack a bag and move into the DG house on campus.  It's a weird mix of wonderful college day memories, and a whole lot of feeling old!  Recruitment is intense on a campus as big as Purdue, but I am so lucky because the women there are just phenomenal to work with.

This was, however, the first year that I didn't have someone to watch the dogs as I ventured away to recruit new women into the Greek life.  So, what's a girl do?  Call PetSmart PetsHotel of course!  MY doggy daycare was booked up, so the PetsHotel was my next option.  I was admittedly nervous (because I am so lame) about leaving Bo and Tucker in a new place.  But I dropped them off Friday night and they seemed happy just to get 1000 new things to sniff.

With dogs safely secured, I went off to Purdue.  I spent all night Friday helping decorate for the next day, with all of Saturday spent listening to cheering (I'm a DG, She's a DG....I wanna be a DG, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes I do....).  In between the cheering, I got to count vote after vote.  A late night of recruitment, voting, and conversing with Panhel - only to do it all again on Sunday!

I can't share everything that I do there, but it's admittedly weird to anyone that hasn't experienced the Greek system.  And even though the amount of time in one weekend is exhausting, I love doing it.  I truly love watching the girls in the house start to form relationships with the women that they will invite for membership in just a few short days.  I like being a part of something bigger than myself.  It's strange to think about, but literally every DG chapter on every campus in America goes through the same process....and we all become sisters with this initial bond.

I don't think I ever thought of it this way - not when I was in college, not when I helped run Recruitment at my own house, not even the past few years of advising.  But now that I have taken time to do the things I want to do, I realize that advising is giving me a purpose.  More than being an employee, more than a girlfriend, more than a caregiver.  I get to continue to contribute to something that shaped the woman I became, and influences me to this day.

*Wow - didn't plan on getting that sappy....  I'm sure that there will be plenty of thoughts about that.

Was there drama this past weekend?  Of course.  Did I sleep very little?  Definitely.  Was it totally worth it when I saw the list of women joining the chapter (and of course, the sorority as a whole)?  Without a doubt.  Does it leave me missing my own DG sisters?  Immensely - more than ever.

A little shout-out to my own girls....We are pretty cute DGs, if I do say so myself!

My Own Pursuit of Happyness*

*I need to preface this post with the fact that I do realize that is is spelled "happiness," not "happyness."  The perfectionist in me is going nuts.

I think that most people know that I have been pseudo-unhappy lately.  I say "pseudo" because it has just been like a cold I cannot shake.  It's not there all the time, but sometimes I am just BLAH.  It's work, it's training, it's exhaustion, it's everything.  And while I consider myself a relatively happy person, it has just seemed harder lately.

I have a tendency to not be committed to myself, but instead by committed to everything else that is in my life.  I used to think that I was selfless.  In my worst days, I felt like I was trying to be a martyr.  But really, what I have come to discover is that I was just avoiding discovering what I really wanted.  So many of these types of realizations go back to the "Breaking Through" class that I took with Nicole....so we'll expand on these later.

For now - back to my Pursuit of Happyness.  I didn't necessarily know what truly made me happy anymore.  And although that concerned me, I didn't want to spend any amount of time thinking about it.  Luckily for me, Nicole did.  Going through her own journey has made her a wonderful person to chat things out with, and she has tons of great ideas for me.  So, much in the spirit of "The Year of Exploration," I handed over my happiness and asked her to put together some type of plan to get me through.  Her job: give me things to do that will create happiness, and allow me to discover what I like.  My job: do them.  NO EXCUSES.

So, we met 2 weeks ago and she handed me a bag.  Inside the bag was a day planner, 2 gift cards, and a list of instructions for my own personal "Pursuit of Happyness.".  I'll summarize here:

• Create a Happy Book (read about Nicole's here)
• Write in the day planner each night before bed - only write the things that made you happy
• No negative or neutral comments
• No skipping days!
• Review each week to remind yourself of what the week brought
• Pursue Life Outside of the Office
• TRAIN - even though I sometimes think it's a chore, I committed to Team in Training, and I do truly feel good after I do it
• Host 1 dinner party a month - invite different types of friends
• Go to the bookstore 1 night a week - buy a foofy drink, grab a book, and read for 2 hours
• This is where 1 one of those gift cards came in (no buying books - just drinks!)
• Make Work Happy
• Buy 1 iTunes song a day
• Hence another gift card...
• Only songs that make you happy
• Create a playlist out of these songs, and make it your "drive to work" mix
• Work semi-normal hours (no more killing 16 hours at the office!)

There were a few other random items, but this is the basics of it.  I live for lists, so this appeals to me down to the very core.  I also am totally ready to allow someone to run my life, tell me what to do.  I'm tired of doing it!

So, how am I doing?  Pretty well, actually.  I am dedicated to the "Happy Book."  Without a doubt, it makes me smile every night.  The other stuff is coming along.  The one that has been hard for me is the work hours - it's right before our large user conference.....Can I use that as an excuse?? 

But I am dedicated to the project because I really want to find out what makes me happy.  I really, really want to be able to make decisions....this is just the first step in that!

The Dog Days of Summer

I know I promised a whole list of upcoming posts, but I had to write a short one about my day.

My Labor Day was uneventfully planned.  I didn't have a whole schedule of things to do, just a few ideas.  A little work, a little cleaning, a little laundry, a little running.  You know, standard "off day" things.

But there was one thing on my plan for today that I was really, really looking forward to - Dog Dayz Dog Swim at the Monon Center in Carmel.  Once a year (the last day that the pool is open for the season), the Monon Center opens the outdoor aquatic center to DOGS.  That's right - the whole pool becomes a dog's dream.  I have heard about it for the past few years, but have never been able to go.

But this year - Bo, Tucker, and I were all suiting up and checking this event out.

When I arrived, I was shocked!  I was about 15 minutes early and there were already at least 100 dogs waiting to get in.  The swim party was definitely more popular than I realized!  Luckily, the planner in me has pre-registered us.  So we avoided the lines and got right in. 

From there on out, it was CRAZY.  This was truly Bo's heaven.  He loves water, and he had never had an opportunity to try anything deeper than a kiddie pool.  He was in and out, jumping over slides and running into the deep water after tennis balls.  He was as happy as I have ever seen him!

Tucker was more hesitant.  He is not a fan of the kiddie pool, so I had no way to figure out what he would think of this.  He was okay up to his ankles, but he was more into playing with the other dogs and meeting all the people that were there!  He ended up nearly as wet, just never that deep into the water.

This sounds weird, but the event was a good exercise for me.  I took both dogs by myself, and was concerned that I wouldn't be able to watch them both, take care of them, get them on and off-leash (or what they would do once they were off-leash!).  But the whole experience was great!  They did run around, and I couldn't always see them.  But they always came when I called, and usually without me needing to.  They knew where I was, and would run back and check on me as needed.  I got over my fear of "losing" them pretty quickly, and it was great to do something so fun with them.  I ended up basically as wet as them, snapping pictures and running after them as much as possible!  You can see all the pictures I took right here:

We stayed about 90 minutes - it was PACKED the whole time.  Don't believe me - check out this video.  Ignore me - I was constantly asking Bo and Tucker to smile for the video!  But it does a great job of showcasing the experience.

Needless to say - it was probably one of the best things I have ever done with them, and I already cannot wait to do it again next year.  And the exhaustion that they are experiencing right now is definitely a great secondary benefit!

We're a pretty cute family - even with Tucker trying to eat his leash!

Don't You Forget About Me

I'd prefer to ignore it, but since I can't - I am just going to address this head on.

I'm a bad blogger.

There - I said it.  And it is really true, despite what you all may think.  It's been 2 MONTHS since my last post.  So you ask, "What happened?"  Or, "Are you okay?"  To which I have no answer.  Nothing happened.  I just stopped.  To be honest, blogging wasn't as cathartic as I thought it would be.  It was one more area of my life that I put pressure on myself to be witty, funny, perfect, etc...  Blogging was supposed to be an outlet, but I was still worried about what everyone thought.

So I stopped.  Or gave up.  Depends on the day for which answer you'll receive.  But I missed my blog.  I missed sharing things with the people in my life, and the ones that weren't in my life but stumbled upon it.

So I'm back.*  And I promise to be better (there's actually something forcing this, which will be a later blog).  But here's a sneak peak at the posts you'll be seeing soon:

• Breaking Through Part I
• The Pursuit of Happyness
• My TNT Training
• Girls Weekend
• Recruitment at Purdue 

And, I promise not to disappear again....at least until I fill you in on ALL of the things above!

*Tricia / BI - There will a lot of posting in the next few days.  I know you don't like it when Google Blogs spams you, so I am giving you fair warning!!

I still worry.

I saw a lot of different people this weekend.  That's the way holiday weekends usually end up, right?  An extra day off from work, random gatherings, a little less stress - that's why they are the best weekends :).

I ventured slightly off-topic there.  Basically, I was getting at the fact that people from all different parts of my life were in it this weekend, and they all asked about me.  My life.  My blog.  And what my ex thought of it all.

And to be honest -  I have no idea.  I haven't publicized the blog a ton, so it's not like everyone I know is reading it.  I don't know if he knows it even exists.  But their questions definitely made me think about what he would think. 

It gets into a part of the differences that we had (not good or bad, just a different outlook).  I shared everything.  I like to talk things out.  I like to get opinions from others.  And although I wouldn't blog/tweet/Facebook every detail of my life, I don't mind sharing with the internet.  He isn't quite the same.  Just a lot more private.  I am sure that the idea that I am blogging all of this is stressful to him.  And I don't mean for it to be.  I just need to get these thoughts out, and he might not need to. 

But, it still worries me that he might read something and take it the wrong way.  It's not easy for me, this new life.  But some days are better than others.  And I should be okay with that, right?  But I don't want to hurt any feelings, especially his.  I still worry about that.  I don't know if that ever goes away.

Unexpected.

It arrived like a warm blanket on a cold night.  It surrounded me and encompassed every part of me.  It felt heavy, the weight of it almost unbelieveable.  But it wasn't just around me, it was in my mind, my sight, my thoughts.

But it's summer.  And it's 90 degrees in the shade.  So it's not just a blanket that I am speaking of.

It's loneliness.  Or depression.  Or both.

And it's hit me harder than I expected at this point in time.  I think that I expected this to be behind me.  But it's not.

The "Splitting" In Splitting Up

There's a lot that has to happen as you separate your life from someone else's.  Granted, we didn't own property or have joint bank accounts, but there is still plenty of stuff that needs to be taken care of/divided up/dealt with.

I planned for that.  I knew some of it wouldn't be easy.  Dogs had to be talked about, cellphones unjoined, furniture divided.  There's the uncomfortable discussion about bills that remained to be paid.  I even thought about Facebook, and how we actually weren't "linked" in a relationship on the social network.  It was a relief to not think about flooding everyone's News Feed with "Liz is no longer in a relationship."

However, I didn't plan for the disintegration of our "social" friendships.  I was unfriended on Facebook yesterday, and it was shocking and sort of hurt.  I discovered it purely by chance, a perfect mesh of timing.  

**To be honest, I didn't discover it at all, a friend did....

What's the appropriate response to that?  Obviously I can't do anything about it, but it is one of those things that I wonder about the etiquette.  Is unfriending the ex a standard?  What's the timeframe on it?  Is it ever appropriate for either party to re-friend?

I respect the idea that this might be part of his grieving process.  Part of the way he is also separating things out of his life.  And I want to make that process easy on him, or at least make it not painful.  But it doesn't mean I was prepared for this.  I am so curious about the thought process and reasoning behind it.

So many questions.  Just not so many answers.

It's All About the Energy

Energy.

It's something that I never thought a lot about.  I mean, I've said "I have no energy" or "I feel energized," but I don't know if I have thought about it in different ways.

That changed a little bit this weekend.  Saturday morning was when it all started.  I did another group training run with Team in Training.  I was really, really nervous about the run because it was the first true "long" run - 1 hour.  I didn't necessarily know if I would be able to do it.  I was okay with walking if I needed to, but I still didn't have tons of confidence.  (A big problem - and a post for another day).

Upon arrive at the Leukemia and Lymphoma offices for the run, I ran into an old friend from DePauw.  One of the first things in my head was the memory of how much great energy she always has.  Just that great feeling that exudes off of her body - it's something that I wish I had.  It inspired me to run hard on Saturday morning, and I felt thankful that I had run into her.

Sunday led to another great "energy" experience.  An good friend was in the neighborhood and called me out of the blue for lunch.  Excited, I hurried to meet her.  One of the big things about Katrina is the new energy and calm that just pours out of her.  She has made a lot of changes in her life (better diet, more exercise, different work load), but one of the biggest things that I attribute this new energy off of her is from a class that she took called "Breaking Through."  I honestly don't know a lot about it, but I can tell you one thing - it has truly changed the way that Katrina looks at life.

Our other friend, Nicole, joined us at lunch and Katrina was very excited to ask us to take the class.  Nicole is on her own journey right now, and she definitely is trying to break out of the norm.  I am just ready to spread my wings and learn more about myself.  Because of these things, Katrina was pretty sure that we needed to take this class.  After some discussion, and a little trepidation, Nicole and I have signed up for the class.  I am not sure how I feel about it (there was a part of the application that required me to verify I wasn't pregnant.  What are we doing that pregnant women cannot do!?).

I'm looking forward to seeing what the class has to offer.  If it provides me some new friendships, or even a clearer insight to my own needs, it is probably worth it.  If I can have the type of energy that Katrina has, it would be a miracle.  Nervously, I am worried about having to trust fall (clearly an issue, as I don't trust fall).  I can't imagine a better friend to experience something like this with, so I am cautiously optimistic. 

But you might want to tune in and see how I feel August 24th (the day before the class starts....).

It's A Dog's Life

If you know me (as in, we have chatted for more than 7 minutes), you know that a big part of my life are my children (i.e. my dogs).  I am pretty sure that I am probably one of those annoying people that talk about their dogs at random times, act like they are people (doesn't your dog like certain tv shows?), and make life decisions and plans around their schedule.

I get it - I'm like a cat lady.  But with dogs.

However, no matter your opinion on it, it is what it is.  And they are a huge part of my life.  So moving was definitely a big concern.  Would it ruin their routine?  Could they handle being in their crate for a whole workday?  Would they understand that they could no longer just run out the doggy door to the backyard? 

**The answer is no.  Tucker ran into the sliding glass door twice.  He's adorable, but I am concerned about the brain damage....

9 days in - how do I feel?  Well, pretty good actually.  They are doing great (although I hope that my neighbors feel the same way).  They seem to be adjusting to our new walking schedule, they love the dog park on site, and I think that Bo gets a kick out sitting in one chair and seeing me in most of the house (perk of a 1 bedroom apartment).  For all the worrying I did, they seem to be okay.

Is it weird that I devoted a whole post to them?  Maybe.  But what I am discovering in this journey is that I have a lot of "things" in my life, but not a lot of ideas about how I prioritize them.  My other fear?  Coming home to no one.  But what is always important to me, and always excited to see me as I walk in the door?  Bo and Tucker.

Uncharted Territory

Okay, so maybe the title here is a little dramatic.  However, it's very, very true for me - dating is completely uncharted waters for me.

As noted earlier, my last relationship lasted a long time (longer than most hamsters live).  And although I dated in high school - that's not really adult dating.  And college - well, college dating should be in its own category for so many reasons.  Here are a few:

• "Dates" are almost always on campus.
• You can usually pay the bill with your ID Card.
• Going back to someone's house involves a fraternity, and sometimes a cold dorm (if you don't know what those are, be thankful.).
• Once you are officially "together," it's pretty rare that you continue to do the "dating."  Basically, you live like college students and promise to go home together after the bar closes.

Even after college, my previous boyfriend and I rarely "dated."  And let's be honest - I think I paid the bill as frequently as he did.

**Important side note - I am completely a modern girl.  I don't mind paying or splitting.  But there is something to be said for feeling taken care of or treated special every now and again!

So, now the uncharted territory makes a little more sense.  I haven't done this.  I haven't given cute boys my number, or gone on dates, or worried about how the after-dinner kiss will be.

It makes me really nervous.  I am not good in new situations - I get wrapped up in trying to be appealing/perfect/etc.... and then I get awkward.  And what if conversation runs out!?  What's a go-to topic?  Clearly, according to this news clipping (circa 1955), I should not talk about my dress.  Got it.  I am a preparer, but I do get that notecards would be weird (or would they....).

So I hem and haw and wait.  Inevitably my first date will be painfully awkward, but maybe after the first one, I'll at least have some idea of how it is all supposed to go.

Just Keep....Running

In the midst of all the packing and moving, I haven't forgotten about my other big project - training for the Indianapolis Half Marathon in October.  To be really honest, there has been a day or two during the past week where I probably would have just given up the plan.

I tend to give things up easily when they relate directly to me.  If it's for other people, for work, even for my dogs...I'll stick it out to the end.  But things that are just for me, or to make me healthier/better/etc... - well, those sometimes fall by the wayside in order to accomplish the other goals.

But, this time there is a bigger driver behind my training for a half marathon.  This time I am running to help raise money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  Team in Training is already proving to be an amazing experience.  I missed the group run on Saturday (due to the move), but I met with Ali at the LLS offices to talk fundraising.  The whole organization is so friendly and helpful - they want you to succeed and fulfill both your monetary and personal goals.  I also ran into another "team member" at the Running Company, and it was just so nice to recognize someone!  I'm definitely meeting new people by doing this.

So why would I be at a point of giving up you ask?  Well, two reasons.  One - it's really easy for me to have excuses (usually the dogs) to not go running.  That's a lot easier now with no one helping to share in the care for them.  I feel bad leaving them even more to go run.  I've gotten over that though.  Today was their first day home "alone" in the new place, and they seem to have done great.  (However, I am looking for a dog walker, so please send suggestions my way!)

The second reason is....the humidity!  I have been trying to run after work, and that is not working.  It is so warm by 5pm, and I have not been hydrating enough during the day.  It makes for really terrible runs after work.  So I am going to try a few new times over the next few days to see how things go.

I am really inspired by the team and by actually running for a cause.  When I think about not going for a training run, I check out my donation page.  I am 35% to my goal - so I would not only be letting the LLS down, but also all of these people that are supporting me!

So, despite everything and all my own negative thoughts, I keep running.

(And 35% isn't 100% - so take a moment to donate!  It will make you feel really, really good and you get one of these adorable thank you cards! *Courtesy of Katie Q Designs*)

Moving Day!

Well, I think the title says it all!  Today was Moving Day!  But let's back up a little....

My mom and dad arrived on schedule and were angels sent from Parents 'R Us.  Dad waited for the cable/internet guy, put together a new coffee table (pictured) and 2 new end tables, and moved box after box to the garbage or Goodwill.  Mom was a master packer and got my kitchen packed in a matter of hours.  (There was a reason I didn't do anything in there...)  And together they spoiled me and took me out to dinner!

Saturday arrived with....RAIN.  I couldn't believe it.  Just as I was trying to figure out how to keep most of my possessions dry, the skies opened up and cleared!  And, thanks to the manly men helping me move (Vince, Alex, David, and my Dad), we literally got the truck packed, moved, and unpacked in 90 minutes.  Not kidding - it was pretty much what felt like a world record. 

So, here I am....Saturday night and pretty much moved in.  My bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom are completely setup.  My living room is setup, with boxes surrounding it with all the stuff I haven't quite found a home for yet.  The dogs will arrive home tomorrow, and get then they will get to explore their new home for the first time.  The panic I was feeling a few days ago about all my "stuff" has started to go away.  I think it *might* all actually fit!

I'm exhausted - so pictures will have to wait.  I kind of want to get rid of more boxes before the apartment's big reveal!

T-Minus 2 Days Until "The Move"

The week has been a busy one.  This is the "big week" - only 2 more days before I officially move and live by myself for the first time.  On top of that, I am trying to keep up with my Team in Training runs.  Oh, and have I mentioned it's about 98% humidity??  (It would be since I have to move!)

I have been having mixed feelings about moving out.  I loved this townhome.  I loved the backyard for Bo and Tucker.  And I especially loved the SPACE.  A three bedroom townhouse was maybe excessive originally, but now I love having all the space.  Officially, the panic has set in that I have too much stuff for my new tiny space.

My parents arrive tomorrow, and thank goodness for that.  I need my mom to help pack and my dad to entertain the pups so they aren't underfoot!  But more than anything, I need the calm that they bring with them.  I think the pups are wondering what is going on here....they certainly could afford to help pack a little bit more!

Team in Training

Earlier I mentioned Team in Training.  After the whole "cleansing my life" decision, it's the first thing that I decided to do that the "Old Liz" (OL) probably wouldn't have done.

As part of moving on, I knew that I needed to stay busy and try new things.  It's been over a year since I did the Geist Half Marathon, and I loved the feeling of accomplishment that I had after completing it.  But I did a walk/run combo, and I didn't exactly finish feeling great physically.  So I never really thought about doing another half marathon.

In talking with a friend/co-worker, I was reinvigorated to start running again.  Being totally self-absorbed here - I loved the way I looked when I was training!  So why not start again?  (Have to get back in the singles scene, right?)  And I also mentioned that I possibly wanted to do some volunteering.  Thank goodness for smart friends!  She suggested joining The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training.  A great conversation and a little research later, I was signed up to run the Indianapolis Half Marathon in October.

So far, it seems great.  My goal is to raise $1500 is support of LLS, and actually run the whole race (not walk/run) this time.  The LLS does a ton of work to support both my training goal and my fundraising goal.  In order to help ensure you feel ready, they provide a coach, mentor, and team to train with.

My first group training run was Saturday.  Here in town, it was approximately 80 degrees and 99% humidity by the time the 7am start rolled around.  My thought?  "I'm going to die."  Well, I didn't!  And I am truly excited about doing more and more running with the group.  I think that they are going to be a great motivator for the whole training program.

So - there's the second part of the blog name.  You, my faithful readers, will be following me through this running journey, as well as the exploration of single life.  The best way to support this single girl is to laugh through the stories of hitting the new life.  But the best way to support my running and the LLS?  Contribute!  Seriously, please consider donating to the LLS and my TNT goal.  You can use this link, and continue to follow my training right here on the blog!

Single....and Loving It?

It's official.  I'm single.

I get that the statement above isn't really that special.  But it's pretty life-changing for me.  I have been with the same person for 6.5 years, and my decision to end the relationship wasn't an easy one.  We live (lived?) together for the past 3 years, and had been making life decisions as a couple for what feels like forever.

I agonized over what I was doing, the whole time knowing that I was making the right decision.  And after I verbalized "I'm unhappy," the ball of "being single" started rolling.  So now, I am single, 25, and embarking on a really big new journey.

Everything is going to be new.  I've never lived alone.  I've never been on a real date (high school and college no longer count).  In 6 years, I have never made a decision that was all about me.  And all of a sudden, I am only making decisions for me.

Everyone asks how I am doing.  And I appreciate it.  But the best way to explain how I feel is to liken it to a graduation.   Graduations are always so bittersweet.  You've just had the best 4 years of your life, and then you have to say goodbye to all of it.  But the experiences and opportunities in front of you are always so exciting.  That's how I feel.  I love my memories, but I know that there is so much more out there for me.

During the whole process, it became clear that I needed to do a few things for me.  After many, many suggestions from my friends, I landed on my 1st decision:  Team in Training.  I decided that I would join The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training group.  What better way than to start a fresh life than with getting myself in shape while helping others?

So, here it goes.  I rented my first apartment alone.  I am packing and moving out of "our" home in the next 7 days.  The pups and I are off to new adventures.  Want to join in?  Keep an eye on the blog!  Follow me through half marathon training, moving, dating, and new adventures.  I promise it won't be boring!


Single....and Loving It?  Correction: Single - and definitely loving it.